here's some things i had typed a long time back... just so the reader gets an idea as to what i was.. and what i can be....

Oct 20, '05, first.. last????

i normally dont find the idea of sitting down in front of a computer to "pen" my thoughts to be that appealing... but now-a days.. noone's completely normal. we think that we are but we come face to face with the truth when reaity bites us in the face. the venom acts in strange ways. sometimes it loses its effect instantaneously, sometimes its slow to act and sometimes it finishes off its victim in a matter of seconds.

i know i'm being completely pessimistic.. thats a good part of my rotting persona.. i can be nice, perky and optimistic, but that would mean that i'm either having a good day, or i'm just trying to be nice even though i'm getting ripped to shreds inside.. its just the way this world has made me...

Nov 11, 05 Whatever...

so, what else is new. every day that passes before my eyes is just another illusion of the time that i am wasting by just sleeping and smoking. i feel that by the time i get out of college, i will have slept my whole quota of sleep for the rest of my life. i get the same feeling that Lester Burnam got in American Beauty. sedated. probably the only difference between us is that he was married and i am not. what can a man do in this sort of society. there is nothing that can be termed as constructive, and if it is.. its too damn time consuming for our lazy arses to actually do it. call it pessimism, i'll call it life..